I
play a lot of games, right from that red hatted plumber to that ash
covered fanatic who goes about killing Greek Gods, I have played a lot.
Like any other gamer, I have had my moments of exquisite ecstasy and
unrelenting rage. We gamers like to talk a lot of smack, most of it
though is harmless, but sometimes, we are lucky we don't have a gun
nearby, or a machete or a screw-driver. Read on to find out, what really
makes a gamer violent. And if you ever hear your hubby or your bf
cursing something about any of the below, its better you give them a
wide berth.
- Source: www.ragetoons.com
1. Escort Mission
- Source: www.tvtropes.org
So
you are playing Resident Evil. You have just started to feel good about
yourself, those stupid zombies don't know whats hitting them, and you
have a bunch load of lead stocked up just in case. That's when the game
slaps on a harmless little girl, or an injured comrade, or a lost dog,
or mini-boss from another level (who kicked your ass back then, but now
seems to be afraid of the dark). Its upto you now, to take this sad
excuse of a colored polygon from Point A to Point B. If he dies you
lose, if he stays too far behind you lose, if you die; welll you get the
picture. Suddenly the zombies who used to stick to you like cheese to
nachos, avoid you like cats do water and try your companion on for size.
It doesn't matter how big and bad-ass/ cute and harmless your buddy
looks, enemies just prefer new meat, and for whatever reason your
partner does too. What more they don't know how to defend themselves,
they might have guns (they might as well have tooth-picks instead) but
they don't know how to fight, how to take cover, how to freaking meele
or just sprint away from danger (you think living in the center of an
infected city might teach them a thing or two).Run too fast, and your
quarry might stall and stand like a lost poodle on rainy day. Run too
slow and you would find him jumping into un-cleared areas ready to take
you down with him. They don't take directions too well either, how many
times have you said "Not there you moron, the door is this way" or "Get
out of my freaking way, I need to dive." or "Go to hell you mOfO....may
you always rot in hell"
2. Reward System
- Source: www.corpseruncomics.com
You
are a level 132 Knight, wielding a lvl 121 katana, wearing a lvl 119
scottish quilt (rocking it btw) and using lvl 102 "Nemor's Ancient
Deodric Spell Caster Aura" as your primary skill. You just defeated the
entire undead army, grinding it out for an continuous 3 hours without
flinching (you sofa now has a permanent puddle in the shape of your butt
and the air reeks of your sweat). Many a times reaching to just 10 HP
of your enormous health bar, it was hellish, it was bloody but it was
awesome. The town rejoices, the mayor asks you to meet him and take your
reward. You take a drink from your cooler (which isnt cool any longer)
and press the A/X/Space to accept your award. What do you get: a lvl 23
Brass Armor, and the mayor say, "I am sure you will put it to good use".
Damn sure I will...I will use it right up your....and then go on to
level your town, and then maybe tea-bag on your temporarily dead bodies.
3. Cheap Bosses
- www.newgrounds.com
You
know what I am talking about. Tekken and MGS are famous for these.
These bosses have huge health bar (which get re-filled once or twice
depending upon how much the game wants to screw you). They have high
damage and unblock-able combos (so if you haven't packed your health
packs, we will see you at your last save). And remember that spell,
which you tirelessly leveled up and now it takes 1000HP in one go, well
you can't use that spell on him; no the spell/skill/weapon which has
served you so well is next to useless against this behemoth (because
this huge, sprawling creature who looks he can take you and then some is
just one big Quick Time Event). Why you ask me, well Fork you that's
why.
4. Restricted Movement
- source: www.tumblr.com
The
game designer is creating a map, and he thinks "Hmm-mm...I don't want
the player to access this part of the map, what should I do?". After a
while he goes like, "I know, I would create a small step that is about
his waist height, and sucker can't jump; Problem Solved". So I can slay
hundreds of minions, rip apart beast with my bare hands, drive a truck
through an apocalyptic city, but can't jump onto a platform which is
waist high. Yeah go figure!
5. Unlock-able Difficulty Levels
- Source: www.xbox360achievements.org
Games
have side missions, they have collectables, they have even have eastern
eggs. But how do you really make a game re-playable, unlock-able
difficulty levels that's how! The game doesn't care what your game-score
is, or how long you have been playing video games, you need to prove it
to the game by first beating it on a lower difficulty level, then
unlocking a higher one, and then beating it on Insane/Heroic/Nightmare
(whatever in-creative name they have come up with) all over again. And
you know what the best part is, all these more difficulty levels have
achievements/trophies attached to it, so if you want a perfect score,
the game is guaranteed multiple playthroughs. The game lets you choose
how you look, how you dress, how you speak, how you fight, but it
doesn't let you choose how smart/stupid your enemies can be, unless of
course you have beaten it once.
What
else makes you cringe and cry, when you are playing a game. What makes
you feel you want to find the guy who came up with the idea, and then
punch him in the face, then in the gut, and then stomp all over him as
writhes in pain on the ground and then drag him outside and run him over
with your car, before spraying him with gas and then putting him on
fire. Comment or I am coming for you.
